Surf Guest–That Soap Is Not For You

Once again this column is aimed mostly at guys. It’s not that I’m some kind of pig (though I am) it’s just that I’m male. The notion that I might understand a woman’s viewpoint about guest etiquette is laughable. I’m simply describing reactions and taboos from the position of dispassionate observer. Napoleon Chagnon observing the Yanomami in the dark heart of the amazon. Besides, the topic of this article is no help to women–they understand this stuff from birth. Though it may be useful to women to print a few copies, laminate them, and molly bolt them onto walls anywhere male guests might wander in search of a resting place, food, or relief of basic bodily imperatives.

So you’ve been invited to stay at someone’s beach house. It’s close to good breaks and therefore it’s a great place even if the floors tilt fifteen degrees. You’d like to come back someday. You’d like these people to still be speaking to you after three days of exposure to your habits. But you’re an untamed, natural creature, child of the ocean, at one with your true soul.

Well that ain’t gonna work. If you expose that dog to anyone with sensibilities, much less a woman, they will do anything short of burning the house to make sure you never cross the threshold again. This is a step-by-step plan for utterly fooling people into thinking you are remarkably civilized for a guy whose wardrobe consists of board shorts, rash guards, freebie T-shirts and a crusty hoodie.

You need to memorize this, so I’m going to keep it simple. No explanations–just rules. Besides, I don’t know why these are rules, they puzzle me too.

1. Case the bedroom: If the bed has a decorative cover, a sham (the ruffly thing that hides the wheels and dust bunnies) decorative pillows and/or stuffed animals you will not be sleeping there. DO NOT pull back the covers or disturb the pillows unless you take a photograph that enables you to put things back EXACTLY as they were. Either sleep on the floor beside the bed or try the front lawn.

2. Examine the bathroom: If it is a shared bathroom DO NOT undertake elimination after eating five Spam Musabe or even a single Chile Verde burrito. There is no spray, “aromatherapy experience” or amount of fresh air that will eliminate the lingering evidence of your gastronomic excesses. Lift the seat to pee, put it back down when you’re done. Seems like women could figure out if a toilet seat is up or not before they sit down, but apparently they can’t, and if you give them a surprise dip they will hate you until the sun is a black cinder.

3. The guest towels are not for you. They are easy to identify–they match, and they are brightly colored. You need to look for something in a drawer or cabinet that looks like a ratty beach towel, or perhaps something lifted from a holiday inn. Try not to get it too wet–it can double as a blanket when you’re sleeping on the floor.

4. The guest soap is also not for you. These are even easier to identify–they have probably never been wet and they are in some distinct shape–like fish or hearts. Again, search the cabinets and find a soap scrap with deep fissures, or perhaps an assortment of them that you can bind together with a little hot water.

5. If your buddy farts in front of his wife it’s not an invitation to a contest. Your best bet is a slightly pained and embarrassed look, like you’re not really sure what just transpired. Of course if she’s not around feel free to unleash your rendition of the 1812 overture.

6. Don’t offer to cook–a no win proposition. If it’s good you’re competing with the wife and upstaging your friend. If it’s bad you’re subjecting them to an unpleasant meal, if you make a mess you’re a pain, if you clean the whole kitchen you’re a neat freak who finds their housekeeping not up to your standards. When Suzy Homemaker makes you anything, including some strange casserole with green things and mushroom soup in it, act like you’ve just enjoyed the best thing since that crazy two weeks in Paris. Good idea to go for a walk afterwards (refer to rule five above).

7. Do the dishes. Takes twenty minutes, any fool can do it, and you’ll permanently be one of the good guys. You can screw up any of the rules above (except some parts of #2) and a bit of dish washing will put you back on an even standing–probationally.

8. Get lost. If you’re hanging out more than a single night you’ll be in the way. Unless your friends are a bit kinky they probably ain’t having sex if you’re hanging in the living room. A couple of days of that and even the kindest soul will wish you gone. Provide some space and make sure they know you’ll be gone for at least a couple of hours. Don’t come back early.

That’s about it. You can make life a lot simpler by staying with your bachelor buddies, but they usually don’t have much room, and their towels have hash marks.

Noosa! Big Fun Down Under

Bonga ripping
Michi Schweiger From Naish International attended the Noosa Surf Festival which ran from March 2 to March 9, 2008. He sent us this photojournal story:

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New in the Board Showcase

Three new boards in the showcase–all representing the performance trend in Paddlesurfing. The SRX4 from Sandwich Island Composites is an aggressive little ripper. Tightly pulled nose and tail, hard rails and a lot of leading edge shaping by Mark Raaphoorst (who said he was NEVER going to build a small SUP board). Mark is usually seen on boards from sixteen to eighteen feet long, this thing is really different, and the performance is wonderful I hear. Big guys like me need not apply. Maybe there’s a version for 250 pounders in the future. When I was in Mark’s shop yesterday he was building a custom SUP board for a 400 pound guy. It reminded me of one of those giant pencils you used to see advertising stationary stores. Same shape as usual, just huge!

Lightning Bolt Maui has two new boards in the showcase, showing off their new semi-custom approach for SUP. Take a proven longboard shape, digitize it and use a computer-controlled shaping machine to replicate it with SUP dimensions. The result is a high performance board you can order tuned to your weight and skill level. Out evaluators loved the board, though unfortunately no beginners tried them. The boards arrived late to the showcase, so we didn’t have evaluators assigned, the evaluations came from people who saw the boards and wanted to try them. I suspect the high-performance appearance scared of the newbies.

We’ll be adding new boards as we have the opportunity. I’m expecting Ed Angulo’s new line of boards to be available soon. I’m looking forward to trying them myself.

Lightning Bolt Maui

In the heat of the shortboard revolution, the summer of 1972, young surf phenomenon Gerry Lopez and Jack Shipley realized the old established shops were buried under inventories of boards that were obsolete. They decided to open their own surfboard shop dedicated to the leading edge of surfing–and Lightning Bolt was born. Gerry Lopez and Rory Russell ruled pipeline on Lightning Bolt surfboards, and the striking logo soon appeared, shredding waves in magazines everywhere.

Also in the summer of ‘72 Jack’s friend Nino Baltar came to Maui and opened Lightning Bolt Maui in the same building the shop is in today. In 1974 Gerry Lopez came to Maui and took over, shaping the boards and running the shop. Lightning Bolt became the hangout for surfers throughout Maui–it was Maui’s only surf shop and naturally it’s now the oldest shop on Maui.

The walls are covered in history. If you’re a surfer and you visit Maui, you’ll enjoy a visit if only just to look at the collection of vintage surfboards. Today they maintain the tradition of shaping boards at the forefront of surf evolution, including Standup Paddle Boards. They sell production, custom and semi custom boards from a variety of shapers including Tom Parrish, Bill Foote, Bill Hamilton, Tom Nellis, Danny Nichols, Steve Walden, Ed Angulo, Lloyd Ishimine, Joey Goette and John Nack.

Besides boards, accessories, surf gear, stickies, and ancillary stuff the shop also offers rental equipment.

Do It Youself Paddle Protector

Paddles can be very tough on your SUP board rails, when you’re learning you whack the board with the paddle pretty frequently, and once you are catching waves a little paddle flailing when you’re losing balance can result in a nasty and very hard smack to the board. It’s possible to hit a board so hard with your paddle edge that you cut right through to the foam.

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Link to us and tell a friend

If you have a website of any kind, I’d appreciate a link to Ke Nalu, it will help our search standing. And if you have a friend that you’d like to encourage to try standup paddling, please send them here. They’ll find a lot of supporting information and encouragement.

Thanks,

Bill

Jimmy Lewis 12′6″ Distance Board Slide Show

An interesting introductory slide show for the new Jimmy Lewis distance board, narrated by Trip Forman

SUP Camping Catalina

Paddling through the Blue Caverns at Catalina

Ernie Johnson (of Johnson Big Stick Paddles) and his wife Andie, along with friends Allan Cheateaux and Jamie Peterson, recently hit Catalina for four days of paddle-touring and camping. They carried all their gear strapped to their boards and spent four days camping and playing on Catalina. Pictures speak louder than words, so I’ll just show you Ernie’s pictures, with just a few comments he made in an interview with Paddleboard.com
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Second Issue is Ready…Sort Of

I’m feeling pretty good about this second issue. Yes, it’s staggering to it’s feet a little, I still have numerous articles and features to finish up and add to the mix, But it’s not April 1st yet–I’m about a week ahead of schedule in releasing this issue. I’ve decided that a staggered release over the course of a week is a good thing. Still to come is a visit to Malama’s paddle-making shop, a great photo essay by Ernie Johnson (of Johnson Big Stick Paddles) about the four-day camping trip he took with three friends to Catalina, articles on making an edge guard for your paddle, a photo essay about downwinders, and a article about preparing your board for long trips.

I owe a number of Ke Nalu rash guards to contributors of this issue. They are sitting in the garage–got to get them mailed off. This by way of reminder: Contribute to the next issue and we’ll send you a rash guard. Not only do you get all the fame you can eat, but you’ll also wear your rash guard with pride, knowing you’ve contributed to our sport.

You’ll notice we’re still not accepting advertising. Two reasons–we wanted to grow the readership to a size that would deliver value to advertisers before we started selling space. and second, we wanted to get the boards and paddle showcase behind us so there wouldn’t be any hint of bias (other than personal likes).

Gear for SUP

This is chapter two of the BOOK section–we’re doing one chapter a month

Boards and why you would choose them

The first issue is the right board. For a rank beginner there’s almost no such thing as too wide or too long. But once you start catching waves or riding in difficult conditions like chop and wind, you might outgrow your first board.

Here’s what Ron had to say on the subject: So I borrowed a board that is 11′X28″X4.75 thick and I’m thinking: This board is fricken HUGE. Wrong. It actually was quite a bit too small (I’m 6′3 and 225) and it gave me no end of grief. Tippy and really hard to control, and today I am one sore puppy from holding that lateral balance. What a great workout though.

Oh yeah and I love it.

But a suggestion. Make sure the first board you use is, if anything, way big for you. Not too small. First time out you won’t be doing any Laird moves anyway. Gotta figure out how to handle the damn thing first. Even for a long time surfer there is that paddle in there confusing things. Just getting used to that takes some work without having to contend with a hard to balance board.

The more you weigh, the bigger the board needs to be. I’m 6′3″ and weigh 240. My favorite board for purely getting up and paddling around is a Jimmy Lewis 11′ 0″ by 30″ wide. It’s thick and floaty, has a huge fin that adds stability, and it’s easy to get it moving. It’s an epoxy sandwich board so it’s very light. That’s good news when you’re moving this thing around.

I also really like the Sandwich Island Composites (Ding King) Ku Nalu hollow board. The Ding King has one mold for making these boards and they take about a week apiece. Mark’s boards are 12′2″ and 26″wide which makes them pretty challenging for a beginner. This design was used for the Starboard 12′2″ board released for the 2007 model year but not continued in 2008. They have a full length pad and they’re fairly stable considering the relatively narrow width. The two best things about this board are how it glides and how it surfs. It’s relatively easy to paddle this board fast and straight, but the stability is low for beginners.

I also have one of the Starboard 12′6″ boards and it’s great for flat water paddling–best cruiser I’ve tried yet. I haven’t had it in useable surf yet–I’m in Oregon until January, and lately every time I’ve gone to the Oregon Coast the surf has sucked.

I also have a Jimmy Lewis 11′7″ x 26. I use this mostly as a regular surfboard–it’s fabulous in small surf. Now that I’m getting better at standup I can actually paddle this thing, but it’s very tippy, especially in side chop. I think it would make a fabulous SUP board for a small or skinny person, especially once they start catching waves. I’m not a good surfer yet, but I can actually shuffle my way to the nose with this board.

Here’s what Juanita K says about choosing a board for the kind of paddling you plan to do: My husband and I bought 2 SUP boards late last year (made at Burleigh Heads) and we are just about to buy 2 more. Why? Coz we have learnt over the last 6 months that our boards (coolite…like a true paddleboard, 12ft long, 4-41/2 thick, 28″ wide) are perfect for smooth glide and flat water paddling or riding bumps and doing downwinds (which is fine coz in Hervey Bay where we live there is no surf). But, the problem is that when we take these boards surfing, they are way too corky and the rails are just too thick. So…you need to work out if your board is for paddling and surfing OR for surfing and paddling.

Over last weekend, we have some friends at Noosa who kindly let us try their SUP boards and it is amazing how much better theirs surf…BUT…when I took one on a sightseeing paddle around to National Park, our boards gliiiiiide so much better and you can feel so much less resistance on each stroke, coz it feels like they are slipping over the water, rather than ploughing slightly through it. So we are doing a lot of research and asking heaps of questions of a few very good SUP boarders up on the Sunshine Coast, so that we get the specs right for surfing, not so much paddling.

All the best in your hunt and welcome to the SUP fraternity on the east coast of Oz

If you’re buying a board, see if you can get a mast track put into it. Not only will that open a new set of doors (longboard windsurfing) it also makes the board a lot easier to handle. Get whoever puts the mast track in to route some fingerholes in the track at one end. You can still use it to hold a mast base, but you can also stick your fingers in to carry the board. These boards are too wide to tuck under an arm.

Boards with a rubber deck are great for foot grip, but when you’re first learning you’ll spend a lot of time on your knees. The deck is very grippy and can wear holes in your knees. Wax on an undecked board won’t do that. Take a look at my knees sometime–I’ll have the scars for years. I went to the drugstore and got some neoprene knee braces–solved the problem, though you look like a dork. But you’re going to look like a dork for a while anyway, no harm done. You should still wax the rubber deck–makes it much sticker. Just like the boogie boarders wax their soft boards (I didn’t know that trick until recently, I always wondered how those guys kept the boards under them when they swim).

Waxing a board without a deck pad works just fine–for awhile. The problem is that SUP surfers stand in one place a lot longer than surfers do, and the wax gets squeezed away from exactly the places you need it most. Still, you don’t NEED a deck pad, they’re just handy.

Paddles: Then you need a paddle. four choices generally available, wood, aluminum, fiberglass or carbon fiber. Aluminum shafted paddles are strong, very durable, and relatively inexpensive, but they’re heavy. foberglass paddles are about the same price as aluminum, have more flex than carbon fiber, but some early version were a bit fragile. Carbon fibre is about half the weight and twice the price–about $300. You need a paddle that’s about one shaka above your head–six to eight inches taller than you. Aluminum or Wood paddles are considered better for learning since you’re less likely to break them. But I’ve found the carbon fiber to be very forgiving and I like to think they’re less of a deadly weapon when you’re flailing them about. In either case, put a layer of mastic tape around the paddle edge to cushion it. When you fall you’ll be whacking the board with your paddle edge. Do it a little hard and you’ll knock a chip out of the board. Don’t ask how I know this. You can take the tape off later when you stop falling every thirty seconds. I have three paddles and I like all of them, one is a Pohaku Beachboy paddle, another is a Quickblade and the third is a custom Malama wood paddle. Of the three the Malama is easiest on my shoulders, so I tend to use it a lot.

Another gear question: Bootie or no bootie. For the first few weeks I think it’s a really good idea to have booties. You’ll be falling in all kinds of crazy positions. Landing on the coral without booties is not fun. I like the O’Neill Superfreak split toe tropicals . They seem to affect your balance less than solid foot booties. While I’m delivering unsolicited plugs, the O’Neill Superfreak board shorts are the best board shorts I’ve ever had–spendy, but worth it. The O’Neill website is pretty cool, though they desperately need a writer who doesn’t just babble corp-speak. Could use a proofreader too, but so could I.

I don’t know why all the stuff I really like lately is named superfreak. Maui Hot sails Superfreak windsurfing sails, superfreak booties, superfreak board shorts. Someone may be trying to tell me something.

Enough gear chat, let’s get in the water.

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